Monologue: Numb

I am cold...
No, not cold from winter
Not cold from staying outside too long
And not cold from this sub zero wind
Because those, would be feelings

I am cold, empty, dead... inside...

I used to cut myself for relief,
Then that turned into desperation
And now I try to feel anything at all

I went into the shower and turned it up to full heat
I gave myself second degree burns
And yet I feel nothing
Why?

Why can't I feel anything?

The primal feeling of pain,
What is supposed to let you know that you are alive and to get out of a bad situation
Is gone

It's as if my body is already dead
And it's just waiting for my mind to join it
And it's coming closer every. Single. Day....

I used to be afraid of death...
But now I welcome it.

Because in hell,
I'll at least be able to feel regret...